Wednesday, October 24, 2012

February 14th, 2002



It's Valentines Day and I just left my fiance to go drive in a car with my dad. I'm moving. I'm moving from Arizona to California. And I'm leaving my fiance in Arizona.


Wow. Happy Valentine's Day, right?


So it's almost midnight right now and my dad and I are almost past Los Angeles. We're trying to drive around L.A. because even though we're driving at 11:45 at night we just don't want to drive thru all that mess. Screw L.A.-that's what we think.


Look at that. I'm saying "we" like I'm doing some of the driving. NOOOOOO way! No driving for me. I'm 25 years old, sure, but my father would NEVER allow me to drive him somewhere, not in a billion years. Neeeeever. So I'm just sitting here in the complete darkness, no music, just the darkness and the passing desert.


But this isn't all boredom. My dad has his laptop here. It's connected to the lighter and he has this new type of software that shows us where we are and where we're going. It's an amazing toy to lay with! I've honestly never seen anything like it! The thing even shows you what restaurants and shops and places are on the road around you. That's how we got KFC and Starbucks on the road! It's amazing!


So I've pretty much been focusing on this map thing since it got too dark to read. I mean, honestly, it's either doing this or its being forced to talk to my dad. And I already feel like a loser because of all this.


Kicked out of my house. Leaving my fiance in another state. Switching stores with my job. Moving out of the state for the first time. Leaving everything I have in my in-laws garage, the in-laws that never loved me in the first damn place. Moving in with my parents until I get settled in. I feel like such a failure. I feel like I'm still a kid. Here I am, I failed again,and now my daddy is picking me up and cradling me like the baby I am.


I also feel like I'm running away, you know, away from my life and from my problems, from my dull job, from my racist father-in-law who wants me dead, from my brother's problems with the law, from the state which bore me, and from the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with.


But that's all negative thinking.


Remember, this isn't a good-bye. That's what I said to her when I left today. No good-byes. Just a see you later. Because this is just a different sort of beginning for me and for us both. I'm scared, sure. But I have hope. California will be great. Work will be great. I will be great here. And soon Debby and I will be living somewhere by the beach for the rest of our lives together.


I'm sure of it.


Hopefully.


Gonna try and sleep now.

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